Reflection of Our
Lady of Mount Carmel:
And we are here. It
goes without saying that the last two years were nothing short of
unpredictable. Nothing that any of you
or I could have imagined would have lived up to the preverbal fiction novel we
have all been living through since December 25, 2019. Nothing could have prepared me or any of us
for the multiple events, both in our professional and personal lives, which we
have endured over the course of these past 15 months. If I am to be honest, I have asked several
times why God brought me here to OLMC.
This question still remains however, I do feel that I catch glimpses of
the answer at times and they seem to be clearer than before.
Coming into a new school and position; taking the controls
of many new processes, policies and procedures; I remember my excitement for
this opportunity. I had utilized and
amended a plan for development and structuring/re-structuring at previous
organizations that I was confident would be able to fit here at our
organization. I had planned to take in
observations over the first semester while laying the groundwork for any
necessary changes that would have needed to be made. And then, it all went in the trash in one
phone call.
Navigating the following weeks at OLMC was nothing short of
unsettling only to be compounded by the loss of another child close to my own family
in January a few short weeks later. As I
continued to move forward, many days in a slight haze of directional decision
and uncertainty, I continued to take comfort in the belief that the worst is
obviously over. March 13th,
2020. Just a few days removed from one
year ago, was the day the world seemed to stop moving. I can safely say that they didn’t prepare me
for this in graduate school. The ensuing
confusion, fear, uncertainty and division going on in our school systems, as
well as the world, alone was enough to prompt multiple teachers and
administrators to settle for unwanted and untimed resignations however, these
same issues within our own school only added to an already extremely difficult
and uncertain situation.
The following five months were filled with never-ending
meetings and phone calls, often well into the night, attempting to salvage what
was left of, and develop the groundwork for the upcoming school year. Of course, like anything during situations
such as these everyone seemed to have suggestions as to what would be the best
though none of us had any experience in extreme matters such as these. The balancing act between the best interests
of 112 school families, and my own family became an almost impossible task and
so, just as many of you experienced, it was my family that suffered. As the ever changing development process,
what would/could be accepted and what would/could not, pushed on each day it
was like attempting to navigate a preverbal minefield without any idea
where/when the next explosion would take place.
To say it is difficult to attempt to justify an “equality” in the parent
who is upset that their child isn’t getting playing time on the ballfield with
the teacher who lost a family member is an gross understatement yet, that has
been the charge; to give an equal understanding and consideration to any and
all concerns that hit my office, phone, email and even home at times. How does one even do this during the most
normal of times I wonder and yet, here we are, attempting to navigate that
which has so often seemed unnavigable.
July 11, 2020. Even
preparing for the inevitable departure of a friend and leader would not dull
the confusion and pain that would be faced afterward. Not only was this all going down seemingly at
once without any answers, but I now felt like I was all alone in the decision
making process for both a parish and school that I was just barely familiar
with. As we limped into August with a
plan in place and a million new procedures, checks and policies, the
realization that we now have to make this work, we must make this work began to
sink in. Sticking to the plan was the
only option and doing so for the sake of not letting all that so many people
had done, so many sacrifices made, be in vain. As administrators we felt we owed this to our
students, our families, and our teachers.
The only thing left to do was allow the roller coaster to move and be
prepared to make sudden-change decisions from here on out.
As we moved along in the 2020-2021 school year filled with
some residual discontent with the processes developed over the summer, our
school families mostly began to settle in to the new routine and the feeling of
acceptance and almost happiness that our students were finally back in school
began to take precedence over what previously was a collective notion of fear
and uncertainty. Finally, it seemed, we
were moving toward where we needed to be and at the very least, OLMC offered a
refuge to the still uncertain events and division that was fueling our outside
world at that time.
Aside from some problems out of leftfield and the occasional
positive COVID exposure resulting in shutting down classrooms here and there,
we sit one year later and I’m wondering, how much smarter will we be through
these experiences a year from now. Only time
will tell the full impact endured from the events that took place over the
course of the previous 15 months here at Our Lady of Mount Carmel. There is still so much I have planned to do,
so many promises, areas that I intend to address and several different ideas as
to how to help grow and sustain our wonderful organization. However, I’m honestly not sure how much I
have left. I truly understand why
Thoreau decided to go off to Walden’s Pond to seek “truth rather than love or
money.”
One reoccurring thought has entered my mind throughout all
of these experiences during the past 15 months and this thought brought me to a
realization; I need to stop wondering why.
I finally stopped asking why God brought me here to OLMC because the
answer is completely irrelevant. Regardless
of His reason, I am here and I have a job to do. Perhaps the previous 15 months is exactly why
I am here; perhaps it is something that will happen over the next 15 months;
regardless, it doesn’t matter. I have
lived an up and down journey all my life, some 43 years of valleys and
mountains, from my personal “top” to my personal “rock bottom” and throughout
all of it never questioned God’s plan. I
realized that there is no reason to be questioning it now.
My prayer is that we all have hope. We may be uncertain at times and that
uncertainty may seem too much to overcome during those times however, it
isn’t. Hope is a wonderful thing and it
is given to us through faith, trust and prayer. This is how we travel on. It’s
interesting that when contemplating writing this, I looked at a poem I placed
on my mirror some eight or nine months ago entitled “Stopping by Woods on a
Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost and realized, much like the author, I realize we
have miles to go before this is over. “The
woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go
before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.”
-Mr. Swann