Reflection for February 5, 2021:
Niceness vs.
Kindness…
It’s difficult to understand the difference between someone
being nice to us, and someone being kind.
I had this conversation with a couple of our students earlier this week
as they were expressing their concerns with someone not being “nice” to them
about a particular situation. We all
often use the words nice and kind synonymously however, as I said to these
particular students, it’s important to distinguish the two.
Nice makes us, and others, feel good. It’s pleasant and often works well in the
short-term. Being nice helps avoid
arguments and it’s polite. Kindness
however, means doing/saying what’s best for someone even when it might not
sound “nice” in the moment. Kindness
takes much more effort than niceness. At
times, kindness can even seem “mean”.
Often we mistake kindness for meanness because someone didn’t let us get
our way when in all actuality; they were trying to protect us.
Not pushing your teammate when you know they aren’t giving
100% may be nice, but letting them waste their talent isn’t kind. Buying your kid what they want to soothe
his/her feelings may be nice, but allowing them to control your decisions and
not teaching them delayed gratification isn’t kind. Not saying anything when a co-worker is
unknowingly making mistakes at their job is nice, but letting them continue to
mess up isn’t kind. You get the
picture. It’s nice to be “nice” but it’s
more important to be kind. Maybe if we
could curb our own arrogance enough to learn from other people’s experiences
and expertise, we would grow in both understanding and respect.
The truth is, most times when we are nice to someone it
really isn’t about them at all. It’s
about us and our distain to have hard conversations or our need to avoid
potential conflict. It’s scary to consider
the consequences of holding people accountable.
We don’t want to make things “uncomfortable”. The truth is, if I were nice all the time in
my position, I wouldn’t be doing a very good job however, I can remain kind
throughout even if that kindness means it may be a little more difficult for
me.
Receiving kindness isn’t always easy either. Most of our young athletes want to be told
how good they are doing not have it pointed out when and how they are messing
up but let me ask you, which one is going to make them better? Many people don’t like to be told they are
wrong even when they are or, that their viewpoint is merely that because often,
they don’t have all the information needed to make an informed directional
decision. This isn’t their fault it’s
circumstantial however, it would be nice to simply agree and move on yet it
doesn’t do much for their understanding.
Jesus was kind but He wasn’t always nice. I don’t remember him asking the disciples
what they would prefer to do. Jesus was
concerned with growing His church not about protecting everyone’s
feelings. Being nice is generally about
choosing our comfort over someone else’s growth and ultimate happiness which,
isn’t really that nice to be honest, it’s selfish. Not only do we need to choose kindness over
niceness, we need to learn to accept kindness over niceness out of love and
respect for one another.